Beginnings

 

        At the mention of beginnings, we took some time to visit the very spot you were found. Wrapped in a blanket with your name and birthday written on paper pinned to your clothes, at the gate of a small hospital. A place where people could help a little baby who turned blue when she cried. For a long time I have regretted not visiting this spot when we were here to bring you home, three years ago. I have imagined in my mind what I thought this place would look like. I imagined a busy intersection with tons of traffic and public transit. People lining the sidewalk waiting for buses and taxis. Instead, it was a quiet place, tucked in an alley, off the beaten path. I was prepared for an emotional visit but I wasn't prepared for the grief and loss I felt for you in that moment. I have prayed so often for your birth mother. Prayers that can only be uttered by The Holy Spirit because they come from the place in a momma's heart where none of us want to go. There are no words for the sacrifices made sometimes for the well being of a sick child. In some places it means giving up the privilege of being the beloved parent all together so the child has a chance at life....life in another home...in another country.  Being your mom is grace upon grace and the gift of life and sacrifice given by your birth mother is a beautiful reflection of the eternal gift of life and sacrifice given to you through Jesus.  Walking into this alley with you was an appointment. It was my first visit. I held your hand and pulled you close, protecting you from cars and strangers. It was not your first visit and God allowed me the gift of knowing it was and is , He who pulls you close, holds you up and walks next to you. He who makes all things new.

     "Children born to another woman call me "mom". The magnitude of that tragedy and depth of that privilege are not lost on me."  ~ Jody Landers