Happy Moon Festival!!!

Happy Moon Festival, my little mooncake! We are well into November now, and still no LOA. A document that normally takes 78 days to process (at the most) now has us looking at the unwelcoming ugliness of day 106. I will not lie, this post is a hard 20 minutes for me. It is the reminder that everything is taking longer than normal, and that my initial disappointment in a November travel date, has quickly turned into a prayer, that God would move the necessary mountains in order for us to travel this year.

In the past trimester of this adoption (which makes for a total of 5 trimesters to be exact) I have been reduced to tears over the following:

• commercials
• songs on the radio
• laundry
• phone conversations (that have nothing to do with the adoption)

One of Jackson's teachers called the other day to let me know that a space had opened up for an overnight field trip. (one that I was initially concerned about, thinking we would be on the other side of the planet at the time).  "Mrs. Rotger? are you there? we were wondering if you would like for us to put Jackson down for the trip."...............How do you explain to the person on the other line that you, really, under normal circumstances, would not burst into tears over such. And that you are mentally healthy, and not to send the social worker to your house for evaluation......because she had already been there six months earlier to make sure you were NOT crazy so you could adopt. 

Sometimes I realize that our conversation, and actions, revolve around this little person on the other side of the planet. Not everybody lives in this bubble, it feels like we are all holding our breath for something....anticipating a huge happening. The truth is, we really are. Our family is incomplete. Hannah and Jackson are waiting on their sister, their sibling, one they will share family stories with, one that will know them better than others. Anthony and I are waiting on our daughter, and the waiting....well...it literally sucks the air from my chest.

I have to tell you the ugly truth. I really wanted for this process to be smooth. I almost expected it. (I really hate admitting that.....that sign of being the spiritual infant) Ok, I even expected it to take less time than normal....there...I said it. God, in all His tenderness, reminds me of the Cross, where all was paid. The hard. The painful. The black. Christ walked toward this, knowing this was God's plan, with open arms. I wish my realizing this would mean that I didn't have to constantly war with my selfish desire for her to be here, in our arms. The hope is that she will be, and the faith is that she is in His hands, and in our hearts, and for now, that is His perfect will. Happy Mooncake Festival my sweet Qwinn, we love you so much our hearts hurt.