The Good...The Bad.....The Temper

Look at that sweet face....I mean...who can resist thaaaaaat!
And then there is the personality...that frankly..I was anticipating months, before we would actually get to see......(she is looking at herself in the mirrored table...which has proven to be a full time cleaning job for Mom)

(This is one of her favorite toys...she is learning English by using the microphone...I will say a word in the microphone and she repeats...she loves the way her voice sounds...this is fun...she even changes her voice to mimic my expression...so smart...fo realz!)
I enjoy watching her experience things for the first time...she was enamored with the balloons....for a w..h..i..l..e!




And there are the hand gestures...which we have lovingly interpreted as gang signs...cause it's not exactly a peace sign (which is the national sign for 'take my picture' in China)....so of course we want to be in her gang....DUH!

Beneath all of that....new discoveries...squeals of excitement...sweet expressions of, what looks like, relief. There is a survivor. I must admit, in all of the books, online classes and day dreaming..I had a mixed bag of expectations. I know that God creates us all unique, but there is that part that shapes us. The exterior influences or experiences that determine so much about who we are. There was that part of me that pulled from commercials of long ago, of children who needed sponsorship. Who needed food and clothing and shelter. And, yes, these are necessities, to be certain. But all of those needs were being met for Qwinn. I think I am aware, often times, of the obvious needs of others. And there are even times I can see when someone may need a hug because of their demeanor. But what I have been shown through this, is, it doesn't look the same on every face and in every behavior. There have been obvious expressions of anxiety and worry to flash across my daughter's face and sometimes, seemingly, out of no where. But there have been times of defiance....when tempers flare, arms flail, and tears flow. (I would be lying if I didn't tell you that there have been times when Anthony and I were at a loss) But God continued to encourage us to give boundaries and she responded by feeling loved and secure. It is heartbreaking to see the fear in a child's eyes...fear of being left (she was brought back to the orphanage 1 week before we arrived in China, by her Nanny whom she had lived with for the past two years). When we were in China, Qwinn would shut down emotionally every time we would leave the hotel room and I would have the guide tell her what we were doing and that we would be coming back. She would smile and I could see the relief all over her whole body. I have always belonged somewhere....to someone, and this has really shaken my little idealistic world...in a life changing way. It has given me the eyes to see that I have been adopted and redeemed by a heavenly father, and I have a forever family. This is what He has given us..Himself, and not to keep to ourselves, but to give it away...to give a home and loving arms and an endless supply of goodnight kisses, high fives, piggy back rides......and the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.

"What you do speaks so loudly that I can not hear what you say"

Ralph Waldo Emerson